


Infactuation

by Applesaucedip



Category: Wanna One (Band)
Genre: Coming Out, M/M, Minor Character Death, Trans Bae Jinyoung, Trans Male Character, Transphobia, Young Love
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-09-22
Updated: 2017-09-24
Packaged: 2018-12-25 04:55:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 12,389
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12028563
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Applesaucedip/pseuds/Applesaucedip
Summary: Bae Jinyoung is a fan of Wanna One, especially the cutie with a bright smile, Lee Daehwi





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Jinyoung is based off me and my love for Lee Daehwi basically 
> 
> WANNA ONE IS JUST 10 MEMBERS HERE BECAUSE I DIDNT WANT TO FILL JINYOUNGS SPOT OK 
> 
> (They are smol children so don't expect smut)

Jinyoung watched and watched, watched until his mom told him to go to bed because school was tomorrow. He obeyed easily only to secretly watch it under his covers with the brightness at its lowest and listening with his earphones. Produce 101 Season 2, his guilty pleasure show. A while back he heard about the show, it gained barely any of his attention, mostly because the first season was girls and well, he’s gay and not really into girl groups. He has a fan account on twitter where he has his own community of people who enjoys the same groups as him, it's great. As he was scrolling through his timeline a boy who looked a bit younger than him showed up apologizing to netizens over his appearance… what? 

Jinyoung was confused with the story as he saw the tweet… the boy in the video was beyond beautiful? Jinyoung stared at his screen in shock as he listened to what the younger boy had to say. He found out his name was Lee Daehwi from Produce 101 Season 2. From there he did his research, or binge watching, after watching and understanding what the show was about he was hooked, he watched non stop, waiting for the time Daehwi would sing and show his amazing talent. He fell for the boy, hard. 

-

“Jinyoung! Rise and shine, breakfast is on the table,” his mom shouted into his room flicking on the lights causing him to groan and pull the covers over his face. As he picked up his phone and looked at the time his eyes drifted to the date and he sat up right as quick as he could, it was Produce 101 finale today. He jumped out of bed happily and got ready for school. After taking a shower he started getting dressed before realizing he completely forgot to put his binder on he sighed as his mood decreased quite a bit. He shrugged it off pulling the binder over his head, turning sideways to make sure he looked as flat as he could before putting his shirt back on and repeating the same check. He turned to the mirror and falsely smiled and finger gunned the mirror, trying to make the smile real, it didn't work. He shrugged and started walking to school with his headphones blasting the 5 concept songs from Produce 101. 

School went by quickly thankfully, when he got home he buzzed by the minimal homework he had hoping that his mom won't yell at him for not doing his homework. She couldn't yell at him now, ha. He realized the time and quickly got into his pyjamas sneaking down to the living room where the tv was being played by his sister, he knew she was a fan of Produce 101 so it wouldn't surprise him if she was planning on watching it. “Hey, whatcha watching,” he asked nonchalantly sitting next to her. 

“I'm about to watch the Produce 101 Season 2 Finale. You probably won't like it,” she stated. Jinyoung celebrated in his head with a poker face on his face. 

“Well, I'm interested in why you like this stuff so much,” he lied through his teeth. As you might've guessed his family doesn't know his obsession. She nodded and shushed him as the intro came on before she squealed happily texting some of her friends. Jinyoung went on his phone and typed out his excitement on twitter and he saw many people talking about it on his timeline which made him even more excited. He hid his smile easily so his sister didn't ask him questions as it started he couldn't help but smile slightly throughout the whole thing. 

Whenever Daehwi was shown on the screen his stomach did little flips and he let out a small exhale to calm himself. When they sang Always his sister was bawling her eyes out to which he turned to her and laughed even though the eye that she couldn't see was dripping with tears of his own. He was voting for Daehwi as much as he could on his phone making sure his sister didn't see him text to number. “Who are you voting for?” He asked his little sister. 

“Oh my god! How could you ask me that! They're all so good I don't even know who to vote for!” She sighed in frustration showing him the text that was she was going to send for vote without any number written for a vote. “I can't choose between Daniel and Seongwu,” she said before screaming into a pillow. 

Jinyoung hummed kind of sad knowing she wasn't voting for Daehwi, he knew not everyone did but he didn't understand how no one could, he's so amazing. When the commercial ended Jinyoung pointed to Daehwi, “You don’t like this boy?” He squinted pretending to read the boys name tag, “Lee Daehwi?” 

She looked at him and made a face of disgust, “Ew, Daehwi? God no, he’s so annoying and ugly I don't get how anyone could like him, I hope he doesn't make it,” Jinyoung stared at her with his mouth wide open, what the fuck did his own sister say? His own blood, say about the most amazing person Jinyoung has ever seen in his whole life. 

“What the fuck? You don't say that about people, even if you don't like them,” he scolded, “Thats basic human respect and it's disgusting how easily you spat those ugly words… I hope you reflect on this… he seems pretty talent for his age,” 

She rolled her eyes, “You know nothing about the kid, and he’s one year younger than you, not even talented,” she scoffed. 

Jinyoung sat down in his spot with anger fuming from him, he couldn't people people actually think that way about such a precious boy like him. Not talented? He is the most talented 16 year old he’s ever seen and she called him untalented? Obviously she had no clue what he knew about Daehwi. 

He ignored her for the rest of the broadcast and kept watching quietly and hoping that Daehwi would make it, he had his fingers crossed under the blanket that he wrapped himself in. When they called Daehwi’s name Jinyoung couldn't hold back his excitement and he jumped up, “oh god he did it he really- uh… ha! That's what you get for being an asshole, clearly he is talented,” 

“You're an idiot,” she muttered under her breath before shooing him out of the living room. He skipped out into the kitchen and started eating an apple from the fridge smiling happily as he listened to the last two people to be called up and he smiled, happy with the group, Wanna One.

“Oh and please wear a binder it's unattractive and you look like a girl,” his sister said rudely causing his whole mood to shift, he threw half the apple out and walked upstairs covering his chest. 

He flopped down on his bed backwards, “she's right… even if Daehwi was gay and I met him and we dated… why would he want me, I'm just a… fake guy..” Jinyoung cried softly into his pillow feeling suddenly really shitty. Even though deep inside Daehwi was an incredible, accepting and judgefree boy, he was way too insecure. 

Days went by quickly leading up to Wanna One’s debut and Jinyoung couldn't be more happy and excited he, found out what their address was and decided to write a letter to Daehwi. It was really cheesy and had to be re-written several times to perfection he felt bad he couldn't send him something more than a letter, even though he knew that Daehwi would probably never read it. Either way he sent it, as he walked back to his house after sending the letter his sister was standing at the door with papers in her hand, his eyes widened in panic. They were his rough drafts of the letter. 

“What are you doing!” He screamed stealing the papers back from her hands in a hurry. 

“Don't tell me you sent that,” she scoffed, “and Daehwi? Really? Of all 101 trainees you chose him?” 

Jinyoung clenched his jaw shut, furious with the words she said, “You clearly don't know shit about him, he’s so amazing, fuck off!” 

“You're so gay, I thought the only fucked up thing about you was you're a tranny,” she spat the moment their mother walked through the door. As soon as she heard the words exiting her daughters mouth she gaped before slipping off her shoes and pulling her daughter upstairs to her room not uttering a word to Jinyoung as she passed by. Jinyoung felt anger rise up in him he could not believe what she just said to his face. 

“What a fucking brat,” he whispered wiping an angry tear from his face before ripping the papers up and tossing them in the recycling bin. He put his shoes on before walking over to the park that he usually hung out by when he was upset. He stayed in his spot for an hour, trying to clear his mind when it would really just drift off into terrible sad thoughts that he couldn't help control. He eventually gave up and resorted to walking back home, when he opened the door his nose was filled with what smells like fresh cookies. He made his way to the kitchen where his mother was taking the hot cookies off the pan and placing them on a cooling rack. “I hope you didn't make these for me,” he said warily. 

“Your sister was being rude, take these as an apology,” she resorted giving him one of the cooled ones from the filled rack. 

“I'll take it but not forgiving her, especially since she didn't give me anything to forgive her for. You're the one who made the cookies,” he muttered taking a small bite out of the chocolate chip cookie. 

“Jinyoung I’m trying,” she snapped putting down the spatula, “I’m trying so hard here, it's been two years since you told us and we’re just adjusting babe,” she started crying softly. 

Jinyoung clenched his jaw and walked away, not wanting to have this conversation right now, “Jinyoung don't walk away, come back here, can we just talk?” 

“I'm really not in the mood,” he shrugged. 

“Jinyoung please,” he sighed but gave it. They sat on separate couches as he listened to her ramble on, “You know I love you, and even though I don't agree or believe in this transgender stuff I still love you. I just want you happy and if this makes you happy I will try my hardest to be there for you.” Jinyoung felt his eyes tear up slightly, “we both know what your dad is like and- I'm sorry for him but I hope you can teach us more, we were ignorant at the beginning, I think we’re ready to learn. We spend so much money on your hormones, your name change and that overly expensive binder and i think it's only fair if we tried,” 

Jinyoung nodded slowly before thanking her and going up to his room to process what she said. When he passed his sisters room her heard a sniffle and light sob and he paused, what did mom say to her? He contemplated before knocking softly on the door, “hey? It's me… can I come in?” 

It went silent for a bit before he heard a quick yes. He opened the door and saw his sister under her blankets with all the lights off. He looked around before turning on the lights and sitting on the edge of the bed, he honestly shouldn't be so nice to her, she didn't deserve it. “What did mom say to you,” 

“Nothing Jinyoung, sorry for being rude, can you leave now,” she said quickly obviously avoiding the question. 

~ 

It was the day before Wanna Ones debut and Jinyoung couldn't be more excited he watched everything Wanna One put out and he knew he needed to buy the album when it came out. The day went by extremely slowly and it was summer so there was nothing for him to do but wait for the album to be released so he waited and waited until he got a notification signaling the release of the music video for Energetic, he voted for Burn it up to be the single but clearly didn't work in his favour. He knew this song was going to be good anyway, he felt it in his gut. 

As he hit play he heart did flips as the music started and they appeared on the screen. He was in awe about how beautiful Daehwi managed to look, he forgot to breathe. He paused the video before taking in a few deep breaths and exhaling shakily, why does Daehwi affect him like this. 

He played the video once again giggling when Daehwi missed the ball that was on the tee, he was so whipped for the younger boy, he would do anything to meet him. He listened to the rest of the album and cried, he loved every song especially wanna be (my baby). He could recognize Daehwi’s voice in each track and he couldn't believe how beautiful it was… he wanted to listen to the boy all day. The next day he bought both To be One albums, he got Jihoon and Jisung with Seongwu and Jisung photo cards, he was a little sad he didn't get Daehwi but happy nonetheless. 

When the tickets for Wanna One’s fansign were announced Jinyoung got them without telling his mom, using the money that he saved up. He would tell her later… 

He only got the one ticket since it was expensive and he didn't know anyone else who liked Wanna One other than his sister, but he doesn't want to bring her. The day of the fansign he walked downstairs early in the afternoon as his mom was making breakfast for herself since it was the weekend. He was dressed up nicely and his mom looked at him confused, wrapped in her bath robe. “What are you up to Jinyoung,” she asked before turning off the stove and serving herself eggs. 

“I'm going to Seoul to meet someone,” she furrowed her eyebrows. 

“What makes you think I'd let you go two hours by yourself to Seoul,” she crossed her arms over her chest. 

“I lied, I'm meeting 10 people,” he sighed. 

“Are you in a gang in Seoul or something?” She asked half heartedly. 

Jinyoung scoffed, “Seriously? Okay I lied… imgoingtoaWannaOnefansign,” he rushed. 

“Wanna One? Like that group I keep hearing about on the news?” Jinyoung nodded timidly, “uh okay? When did you buy tickets? And is the next question if you can use my car?” She deadpanned 

“I bought them when they came out… I was embarrassed to tell you… and yes,” she rolled her eyes and said he could use the car to which he celebrated happily before hugging her tightly and getting on the road to Seoul. He blasted music the whole ride singing happily to each track and trying to hold back tears from certain songs… he was sensitive. 

Around 3 hours later he got to downtown Seoul which was filled with traffic he was nervous since it was his first time in Seoul all alone but he shook it off and drove to a small restaurant and got out to eat a light dinner. After he was done most of his food he saw two familiar boys at the front desk where you order. He knew that back from anywhere, it was Woojin and Daehwi. The Lee Daehwi was in the same exact room as him, he was starstruck. He accidentally sneezed loudly which got him out of his trance and he saw Daehwi turn to the abrupt noise. The whole word seemed to slow down, to Jinyoung at least, Daehwi whipped his head around and his eyes searched the small restaurant before making direct eye contact with Jinyoung before smiling brightly, “Bless you!” And he turned back. Jinyoung felt his heart leap out of his chest and he wanted to cry, what Just happened? How did this happen? Did it actually happen? Was this all his imagination? What the fuck? 

He breathed for a minute before getting up and leaving the restaurant, his legs shaking as he passed by Daehwi, he didn't want to bring attention to himself. He got outside and leaned against the wall of the building and let out a deep breath. What the fuck. A few seconds after he heard the door open again and he shit his eyes hoping that it was not the two boys. “Woah you alright, man?” He heard Woojin’s voice directed at him. His eyes flew open and widened at the two boys who stood in front of him. 

“Oh yeah I just,” he stuttered pointing at the restaurant they were all in, “I felt uh sick just light headed uh you know,” he said embarrassingly. 

“You should probably sit down somewhere, here,” Daehwi reached out to Jinyoung who flinched away in shock, “i'm sorry here follow us to the bench,” Daehwi pointed to the bench not too far away. They slowly made their way to the bench Daehwi making sure not to touch the boy but also that he didn't faint, he looked way too pale. “Here have this water, I didn't drink out of it… I wish we could stay and make sure you're okay but we’re kind of in a rush… I'm so sorry, please stay safe,” Daehwi said handing the bottle to the boy with concern clear in his eyes, he was so genuine. 

Daehwi walked away looking back making sure he didn't die on the bench. Their managers walked to the boys hurrying them into the black van. Jinyoung sat there in shock as the car drove away quickly, there was two hours until the meet, why were they at a restaurant? And why did it have to be the one he was eating in? And WHY DID HE HAVE TO MAKE A FOOL OUT OF HIMSELF?!

He stood up slowly and made his way to the car regretting his actions from the past ten minutes. He sat in the car with his forehead on the steering wheel, “I hate myself,” he said while laughing. “Oh my god I'm meeting him again,” Jinyoung sat up straight, “I shouldn't go, that's literally death he’s going to think I'm an insane fanboy, oh no,” Jinyoung started hitting his forehead muttering stupid over and over again. After a minute of trying to calm down he turned on his music and drove to the place where the fansign was being held. He was early so he parked and reclined his chair and closed his eyes trying to prepare himself with what he's going to say to both Daehwi and Woojin, he still couldn't believe he did that. 

He went on twitter and dmed one of his internet friends. 

[From: Jinyoung]  
So, I'm dead, I embarrassed myself really badly…

[From: Woodam]  
Hahah how this time? You're always awkward I'm sure it wasn't that bad~

WAIT DID THE FAN SIGN HAPPEN I DIDNT SEE ANYPICS DID IT HAPPEN? TIMEZONES GOT ME MEZSED UP?!

[From: Jinyoung]  
NO WOODAM THE FANSIGN DIDNT START YET BUT SOMETHING WORSE HAPPENED AND I WANTED TO DIE 

[From: Woodam]  
I'm not comprehending what you're trying to say boi what happened

[From: Jinyoung]  
I saw Woojin and Daehwi at a restaurant but MY ASS DECIDED TO SNEEZE

[From: Woodam]  
You farted?

DID THEY LOOK AT YOU AHHAHA

[From: Jinyoung]  
No I just sneezed but the restaurant was small so everyone heard me and Daehwi looked at me and bLESSeD ME 

[From: Woodam]  
DUDE WHAT HE BLESSED YOU? NO FUCKING WAY DID YOU GO UP AND THANK HIM WHAT HAPPENED TEL MEEEE

[From: Jinyoung]  
This is the embarrassing part, I went past them outside because I was freaking out and thEy HAPPenED toO havE bEEN LEAVING TOO so as I was against the wall trying to make sure this shit was reality THEY CANE OUT AND THIUGHT I WAS DYING

I mean they were right but they asked if I was okay AND I WHEEZED they brought me to the bench and sat me down tHeN THEY HAD TO GO BUT LOOK 

_Jinyoung sent a photo_

THIS IS THE WATER BOTTLE DAEHWI GAVE ME SO I STAYED HYDRATED HES AN ACTUL ANGEL AND HE LOOKED SO BEAUTIFUL IN PERSON 

WOODAM. YOU DONT UNDERSTAND IM YODELING 

[From: Woodam]  
Holy shit

Y'all are like married now

Can I be a best man 

[From: Jinyoung]  
KEBDUSOSNFAJSKD OKAY ISNDJDJSJ

IM CRYING IN MY CAR IM GOIN G TO SEE HIM SOON DO I BRING IT UP?!

[From: Woodam]  
Just apologize or something

[From: Jinyoung]  
Okay ㅠㅠ

Well Time to face death, goodbye friend today is my death day

[From: Woodam]  
GOODLYCK DONT PROJECTILE VOMIT ON THEIR BEAUTIFUL FACES AND TELL MINHYUN I WANT TO CHOKE ON HIS DICK

[From: Jinyoung]  
I hate you 

Bye

 

Jinyoung chuckled and looked that the water bottle given to him by the one and only Daehwi. “Wow,” he couldn't wrap his head around the fact that that really happened and he was seeing him again in like an hour. He got out of his car and walked to the front door there was a bunch of mostly girls in line with tickets in hand. He searched for the bathroom and fixed himself up before getting in line with the others. He made small chat with some girls who were making heart eyes at him which honestly made him uncomfortable and awkward but they seemed to like it. 

Thirty minutes passed before they allowed everyone in and find their seats. He sat down anxiously tweeting about everything that he was seeing and how he was feeling. Many of his mutuals on Twitter were replying to him freaking out and telling him to have fun and enjoy it. Once the boys came out his stomach dropped, the sign went on and it was finally time for him to line up. The shaikly made his way up, the first was Guanlin, then it was Woojin. When Woojin saw him he quickly put a look of concern on, “You're from earlier right? How are you feeling? I'm sorry we couldn't say as you know we kind of had to come here,” he laughed looking Jinyoung in the eyes. Jinyoung said he was fine now and they talked for a bit before he had to move on. 

Daehwi was the sixth person on the table and Jinyoung’s hands were starting to sweat, badly. “Ah! It's you!” Daehwi smiled widely, “how are you feeling?” He asked taking the album from Jisung. 

“I'm better now,” he smiled timidly avoiding Daehwi’s strong eye contact feeling extremely intimidated. 

“Good!” He tilted his head trying to get into Jinyoung’s eye line, “I don't think I ever got your name, cutie,” Jinyoung snapped his head up to the younger who was giggling at the blush that appeared on his cheeks. 

“Uh Bae Jinyoung,” he whispered staring at Daehwi as he was looking down at the album. After he wrote the name and signed it he furrowed his eyebrows 

“Have you sent me a letter before?” Jinyoung choked, and Daehwi’s eyes went wide. How does he remember that? “I take that as a yes, you really should audition for a company! You already look like an idol you should audition! Maybe we’ll meet in the future,” 

“I'm not that good but I'll work on it and… see you in the future!” Jinyoung said confidently for the first time to Daehwi. 

“Good! By the way I wish I could've responded to your letter but it's not allowed I hope you come to one of these again! It was fun,” the staff was rushing the boy to move on to the next member but before Daehwi moved on to the next fan, “by the way you have really small face, it's cute, bye!” Daehwi gave him one more bright smile before winking and paying attention to fan in front of him. 

“He’s charming isn't he, Jinyoung?” Jinyoung jumped at the sudden voice, he looked away from Daehwi and turned to Jihoon who laughed, “Don’t worry about it,” he shrugged. After the fanmeet Jinyoung got into the car and smiled so brightly, what a great day. He looked over to the bottle Daehwi gave him and took a sip of it happily before driving back home and collapsing onto his bed exhausted and fell fast asleep. 

He was woken up by his phone going off hysterically he groaned and saw that Woodam was spamming him on twitter he rolled over and opened them. 

[From: Woodam]  
WAIT DUDE YOU WERE SERIOUS

I CANT BELIVE I THOUGHT YOY WERE KIDDING

JINYOUNG WAKE YOUR ASS UP 

I

CANT

BELIEVE 

IT

UOU

MADE

IT

ON

THE 

INTERNET

INTHE

SAME

PUCTURE

AS YOUR

FUTRURE

BOYFRIEND

JINYOUNG WTHATSHS

[From: Jinyoung]  
What

_Woodam sent a photo_

He waited for the picture to load before he stood up in shock, he read the words “Lee Daehwi and Park Woojin from one of the hottest boy groups saw helping a stranger as they saw he wasn't feeling well” Jinyoung dropped his phone and screamed. 

[From: Jinyoung]  
WOODAM THATS ME THATS ME IN THE SAME FRAME THATS LITERALLY ME IM SCREAMING 

AND THATS THE WATER BOTTLE NEXT TO ME ON THE BENCH I TOLD YOU

OH MY GOD 

 

“Jinyoung?” His mom barged into his room with pure confusion on her face, “why'd you scream? what's wrong?”

“MOM LOOK,” he screamed shoving the picture in her face. 

“Um congrats? Can you be quiet next time it's literally 8am go back to sleep you had a long night… clearly,” 

“Mom I'm going to audition to a company,” he smiled 

“Right now?” 

“Uh no,” 

“Then I'm going to bed, goodnight, or morning I don't know bye,” she walked out. 

“You? Auditioning? Well then,” his sister popped out of nowhere. 

He sighed and closed his door before searching up when companies were accepting auditions. He only found one company that was holding auditions in a week… was that too soon? Yeah… he needs at least 4 months, since he is scheduled for top surgery in a week and a half and he needs time to recover and get back into shape. He sighed and opened the album that he got signed, taking pictures of all the signatures and tweeting out the little stories he had to tell. He also mentioned that he was the boy that Daehwi and Woojin helped which caused a lot of people to comment on the fact he was cute. He laughed. 

When he got to the page Daehwi signed his breathing hitched, there was a little sticky note that he doesn't remember Daehwi writing on. 

“Jinyoung! Not telling you, you have to but the company I'm going to go back to after Wanna one is ___ who knows… if you audition maybe we could be members in the same team… wish you the best of luck!” Jinyoung screamed into a pillow and placed the sticky note on the table before finishing taking pictures of each page signed and started looking up the company Daehwi told him about. 

He realized the company was holding auditions in 5 months, he was ecstatic. 

He practiced hard the following week before mentally preparing himself for his surgery. 

The surgery went smoothly and no complications, he has been extremely happy and way more comfortable with himself lately. It took him 5 weeks to be healed completely, he was able to start dancing and doing all the things he was able to do before the surgery. He practiced hard as the auditions were slowly but surely approaching, his vocal performance has been getting the best he’s ever been, even before his voice dropped from the testosterone. The day of the auditions he showed up with a smile on his face, his confidence raidating for the first time in his whole life. 

He was waiting in the waiting room for an hour before his name was called and he entered the room with 10 other people. They each took their turn being told if they moved on they would contact them. Jinyoung left feeling proud of himself for doing that, he tried his hardest. As he got home his sister was in the kitchen, “did you just get back from your audition?” 

“Yeah why,”

“I hope you bombed it,” 

“Fuck you. You won't be wishing me failure once I debut,” 

“Oh honey, so naïve, you really think that?” 

Jinyoung scoffed, “you're really a bitch,” 

“So I've been told,” she smirked. Jinyoung rolled his eyes and made his way up stairs he decided on another song he would sing if he made it to the next audition. 

Days flew by, always hanging by his phone in case he got a call for another audition. A week went by he got a call from an unknown number.. in the middle of class. He grabbed the phone and ran out to the washroom without telling the teacher. “Hello?” 

“Hello, is this Bae Jinyoung?” 

Jinyoung tried calming his breathing, “this is he,” 

“We are calling to inform you about your next audition for ___, on august 3rd at 2:30”

“Okay yes that's good,”

“Okay that is all,” the phone went dead. 

He excitedly walked back Into the classroom and the whole class stared at him and the teacher asked to speak to him in the hall. 

He gulped as he saw her stern expression, “I'm going to need an explanation, Bae Jinyoung. Considering your face while walking back in, it was not an emergency,” 

“Oh um, I got a callback for an audition..” he looked down at his shoes, feeling so small under the teachers strong gaze. 

“I see. Detention after school please,” Jinyoung sighed and nodded. 

When he got home after detention he practiced until his voice was worn out then practiced his dancing until it was time to sleep. He was exhausted but if he was serious about this, he was ready to do his hardest to be able to achieve his dream. 

When he heard his mom get home late he knew he had to tell her about his next audition. He ran downstairs, sweat dripping from his forehead with his shirt soaked with sweat. When he saw his mother's appearance he stopped and his smile fell, “Mom? Are you okay?” Her puffy eyes that were circled with mascara looked up at the boy. 

“I need to tell you something sweetheart,” he said softly, voice cracking slightly. “Go to the living room please… I'll be there in a second.” 

Jinyoung sat on the couch trying to think of what happened trying to not to think the extreme negative. He knew that it must be something negative but it can't be some of the things his mind pointed too. As soon as his mom entered the room she sat on a chair, “Your sister was in an accident…” as soon as the words left her mouth he felt his stomach drop, it had to be a joke.

He breathed in deeply, “She’s alright though?” He tried. His mother started crying before shaking her head, “No, is she in the hospital? She's being fixed up right?” 

“She's dead, baby,” Jinyoung's whole world felt like it was crushed. The past few months the two of them have had a complicated relationship, but when they were younger they were best friends. They did every living moment together. 

“How,” he managed to squeeze out. 

“One of her friends got her driver's license and they decided to go on a ride… It's said they were under the influence of alcohol,”

“What the fuck!” He exclaimed standing up furiously, “how could she be so stupid!” 

“Jin-” before she could finish he punched one of the walls creating a fist sized dent. She put her head in her hands and cried out for her son to stop. 

“She's so dumb!” He screamed before slipping on his coat and running outside to his own spot at the park. He cried and cried and punched the ground repeatedly and threw a pinecone at the ground before a boy walked up behind him and tapped his shoulder before backing away in case he struck at him. 

“You okay man?” 

“I'm fine,” he said before walking home angrily. When he got home he went straight to his own room, making sure to knock over some of his sisters shit in her room out of pure anger that he knew he was going to regret. 

When he got to his room he calmed down before getting his pyjamas on and tucking himself into his bed before he started crying hysterically. 

He got his phone out and scrolled through his timeline, he saw a tweet about Daehwi and before he knew it a the faintest smile showed up on his face… it's amazing how much seeing one person can influence someone's mood. He was sad, he was upset, he felt he should've been the one in the accident, he should be dead instead of her. But Daehwi gave him that glimpse of hope he needed, he would do it not only for himself and Daehwi but for his sister. He would show her how much he grew and even though she said he’d never make it he knew she was only joking. He was going to prove that. No matter what it takes.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I didn’t read over it, so sorry for mistakes, I’ll go over it tomorrow i just wanted to post it now hope you enjoy

It's been a few months since he’s been living as a trainee, it was exhausting. Jinyoung was just getting through, he knew it was going to be hard but this was beyond what he was expecting, his whole body was aching from working so hard his throat felt raw and he was just tired trying to fit in school work and all of practice. They barely had any food in the dorm him and a few other boys were sharing. One of the hardest things to get through was being stealth when you're surrounded by boys all day, they took their shirt off, showered together when they were saving on water… it was hard to get out of those situations. He often had to shower in his swimsuit with his packer in it which was not pleasant, and he had to turn away from the other boy so he didn't see his surgery scars on his chest. Luckily no one caught on, they just thought he was insecure. 

He wasn't really close to anyone, ever since his sister passed he was more focused to do shit and get it right. He was very shy and closed into himself, not opening up to anyone, it was lonely. 

Jinyoung graduated high school, he didn't attend since he was busy being an extra in a music video which excited him greatly, he couldn't pass it up. 

He made friends with his roommates finally, a day after he met with his mother she was happy and healthy. It gave him inspiration that he could be happy and he can get over the missing feeling, he will never forget her but he can push the hurt aside. 

Lee Daehwi. Wanna One has been dominating the charts, they were one of the biggest K-pop groups in the world. The game and popularity has seemed to not change Daehwi, he was still the adorable fluffy ball of sunshine Jinyoung fell for. He didn't have much time keeping up with what they did but whenever he did it reminded him on how much the boy changed his life, as cheesy as it sounded. When Jinyoung found out about the boy he was in a vulnerable state, he was lost, confused and had no clue what he wanted for himself, he wasn't happy. He was depressed and suicidal, he had no real reason to live… Until Daehwi came in the frame, he was that spark, the thing that showed him the way. He wanted to know what Daehwi was going to do next, he wanted to be able to see Daehwi grow up and see how his talent evolves, that was a sole reason he couldn't take his life. He knew he wouldn't be able to experience and he couldn't bare leaving it behind. Daehwi opened the realization that he could do anything he wanted, with practice a little push you can do anything. 

Jinyoung always loved singing and dancing, when he was the boys so it on TV he wanted to be that, he wanted to be in a boy group. When he realized he was transgender he didn't know what he could and couldn't do anymore. So many things felt so restricted, some of the simplest things he wouldn't even think would be a problem. But here he is, a trainee, one of his biggest dreams coming true, he never thought he would've made it this far let alone live this long. 

There was only a few more months before Wanna One's disbandment. He hoped Daehwi was still coming to this company, if not he hoped they'd meet as friendly competition at least. Even if Daehwi came back to this company it doesn't mean he would be in his group anyway, for all he knows Daehwi could just continue as a music composer and not an idol. Daehwi has written so many amazing songs for Wanna One and Jinyoung knows he’ll only improve over more years. If he thinks that being an idol is taking up too much time and is damaging his writing he’s sure he would quit the idol life. Jinyoung has no clue of Daehwi’s thought process though so. 

 

Once Wanna One had their final concert as a group they made their part. Everyone went to their own company's and went their own way figuring out what they wanted to do next. When Daehwi came to the company everyone was talking about it, nothing was confirmed but the chatter confirmed Jinyoung's speculations, he was coming. 

When Jinyoung got a text from a manager he made his way to the building which was not too far away from his dorm. As he opened the door to the office he saw his manager talking to a boy who's back was facing him. Jinyoung stood still as the boy turned around with a smile on his face, “Jinyoung! I always read all your letters, I'm so happy you made it into the company!” He jumped up to great Jinyoung. 

“You read them?” He blushed trying to calm his racing heart. 

“Of course I read them! I'd always go through the mail to see if I saw your name and put them aside,” He smile genuinely, “you always intrigued me Jinyoung, you're quite dorky too,” Daehwi giggled slightly. 

“Oh wow that's kind of embarrassing,” he scratched his neck feeling his face heat up. 

The manager cleared his throats before interrupting the conversation, “So, Jinyoung, Daehwi will be joining your dorm and will be most likely debuting in the same group as you… You have room in the dorm right?” Jinyoung nodded happily, “great… Daehwi, you can bring your bags to your new dorm which Jinyoung can show you. He can also show you around and introduce you to people or whatever… you can leave now,” 

“Thank you!” Daehwi responded cheerfully before the man grumbled in response. “Come on,” he said dragging Jinyoung out of the office rolling a luggage and carrying a heavy bag. 

“Do you need me to carry something?” Jinyoung asked seeing the slight struggle Daehwi was trying not to show. He said he was fine but Jinyoung rolled his eyes and took the bag off of Daehwi’s shoulder before putting it on his own. Daehwi smiled thankfully at the boy. 

Once they got to the dorm the two boys who were walking around shirtless stared at Jinyoung and Daehwi, mostly Daehwi. “Hi!” Daehwi exclaimed waving his hand. 

“Oh my god,” the two boys said in unison, they both bowed a bunch of times to which Daehwi told them to stop, “what are you doing here, Daehwi?” 

“I’m a new member of your group!” He clapped. Jinyoung knew it was wrong to be jealous but he couldn't really help it. Daehwi was nice to everyone, he should've expected him to be cheery with the other members. The boys nodded before running to their rooms to get their shirts on and probably get the three other members. “Can you show me around Jinyoung?” He looked up softly. 

“Oh- yes, yes of course,” he stuttered under his gaze, oh boy, this was going to be difficult. 

The last room to be shown was his room, “it's nice, could I… share a room with you,” Daehwi asked hopefully. 

“I mean, I'm fine with that,” he swallowed, “we would have to talk to the others though,” 

Jinyoung was kind of confused as to why Daehwi was acting like they've been friends for a long time. He knew the boy knew a lot about him but all Jinyoung knew was what Daehwi showed in front of the camera. It's kind of a strange feeling for Jinyoung and he just really hoped Daehwi was the same boy he fell for off camera as he was on. 

“Okay so sleeping arrangements,” One of the members spoke up once everyone was gathered in the small living room. “Should we draw straws?” 

“Can we just pick? And see if everything works out like that?” Jinyoung suggested looking over to Daehwi. 

“Oh okay… I guess,” the probable future leader of the group agreed. Daehwi and Jinyoung chose each other as expected and luckily no one in the group protested. 

“Which bed do you want, Dae...hwi,” Jinyoung said awkwardly. Daehwi looked at him in confusion but chuckled slightly and choose one of the beds. 

The day went by quickly, Daehwi was learning where everything was and they all got together and talked about his experience in Wanna One. The members of the group felt awkward around Daehwi, mostly because him joining the group caught them all off guard. 

“Hey, Jinyoung,” Daehwi said as he unpacked his suitcase and filled up the empty drawers with his clothes. “I still have all of your letters,” 

“What?” Jinyoung said alarmed, his eyes widened and traveled to the suitcase, “oh my god, please throw them out Daehwi,” he begged. 

Daehwi opened up a pouch in the suitcase and pulled out the 12 letters Jinyoung sent him and threw them on the bed. Jinyoung hesitantly picked one up and cringed at his hand writing all over the piece of paper. “I'm so embarrassing! Why did you keep these?” He read over one of the letters in horror. 

Daehwi smiled fondly at the boy, “They aren't that bad! They made me happy, apart from the sad stuff… It really meant a lot to me Jinyoung… Whenever I was upset I would think that by doing this and everything helped at least one person and it kept me motivated,” Jinyoung shyly looked to the ground, “can I hug you?” Daehwi asked making the boy nod. Daehwi hugged Jinyoung who hugged back contently and closed his eyes enjoying the moment. “I feel like I know so much more about you then you know about me,” Daehwi said as soon as the hug was broken. 

Jinyoung hummed, “I don't know about that, there's quite a few things I've never mentioned in those letters,” Daehwi smirked and asked him to move over in the bed so he could sit next to him. 

“Yeah? Well you've only seen what I've said to everyone… Who said it's all real?” 

Jinyoung gasped jokingly, “Don’t tell me I've been a fan of a pathological liar!”

“Woah now, that's a bit extreme… sometimes you just gotta give the fans what they want. You’ll understand once we all debut,” 

“Tell me about you then,” 

“Wait I got an idea, I'll answer all your questions in your letters,” 

“Oh my gosh Daehwi please don't,” Jinyoung tried reaching for the letter that was in his delicate hands that were ten times prettier in real life. “Ugh,” he grumbled once he realized he couldn't get the letter back, his head fell on Daehwi's lap before he realized. He snapped his head up and hit it on Daehwi’s elbow causing them both to burst out in laughter. 

“You're really a dork in person,” 

“Stop, I’m embarrassed,” he whined. 

“Cutie,” he sang causing Jinyoung to blush bright red. Daehwi pushed Jinyoung's head to lay back on his lap, he knew Jinyoung was comfortable earlier and he really didn't mind. “Now, let's go through these letters, why don't we,” Jinyoung groaned and hid his face in his hands. 

When Daehwi finished answering all the questions in the letters they laid in silence listening to some of the the other boys arguing in the kitchen. Jinyoung nuzzled his head on Daehwi's legs and sighed happily. He learnt quite a bit about Daehwi, especially more than he expected only knowing the boy for a day. Before he knew it he fell asleep on his lap while Daehwi hummed Jinyoung's favourite Wanna One song as written in his letter. 

“Hey,” Daehwi whispered shaking the boy slightly. Jinyoung rolled over and sat up rubbing his eyes open, “goodmorning,” Daehwi smiled at his confused expression, “You fell asleep on me last night,” 

“Oh, i'm sorry I didn't mean too,” he panicked feeling like he already fucked everything up. 

“Sh, it's fine Jinyoung, I would've moved you if I minded…” Daehwi said softly taking in the older boys fluffy hair and slightly puffy face, he’s cute. Everyone was gathered in the living room eating breakfast, all the other group members were mostly asking about Daehwi and his days as Wanna One. Daehwi was a people person so obviously he kept the conversation going, “Have you guys already talked about group names,” 

Everyone froze, “Um no, not really?” 

“Does anyone have suggestions? I really want to be apart of voting with this since in Wanna One We didn't choose our name,” 

“I mean we don't really have to yet, are we sure we’re going to debut with just us? Someone else could join and hate the name… I want all of us to like it,” 

Daehwi hesitated, “I shouldn't tell you so when they tell us as a group please act like it's the first time you've heard it.” Everyone leaned in listening carefully, “This is the official line up for our group, and they already have 3 songs chosen that will be narrowed down to our debut song, as well as the choreography,” 

“Did you hear them?” 

Daehwi shook his head, “But I know we're going to record, learn our choreography and pick a debut song sometime this week,” 

“Oh my god so much happening I'm stressed,” the youngest of the group said anxiously. 

“No no don't be stressed over this, it's going to get even more stressful when we debut, this is nothing,” Daehwi said making sure he doesn't have expectations that being an idol will be easy. 

Just then Daehwi got a text asking for all of them to come down to the practice room. “We should head down to the practice room, I'm taking a shower and stuff, we might be taking a group photo so let's look nice,” he smiled brightly. 

Jinyoung went into their shared room and sat on the bed before realizing he slept with his packer, gross. He grimaced before taking it out and grabbing a new, clean one. He always made sure to have back up clean ones invade something like this happens. He wrapped the new one in his clothes he was going to wear for the day. Once Daehwi was done his shower he walked into the room with a towel around his waist which caught Jinyoung off guard. “Oh uh, okay I'm go-uh going to go take a shower now,” he laughed nervously. Daehwi and raised his eyebrows innocently. Jinyoung fake laughed and quickly walked out of the room, that was unexpected. 

After he was done with his shower he got changed into his clean clothes and wrapped his towel he used around his now cleaned packer. As he was walking back to his room one of his members walked up to him, “here I'll take your towel doing a wash when everyone is done with showers,” 

“Oh-uh nono that's fine I got it I'll put it,” 

“Um okay,” 

Jinyoung cursed himself for being so awkward and panicky. Once Jinyoung walked into the room Daehwi was fixing his now dry hair in the mirror, “Does this look good?” He asked turning back to the boy. Jinyoung paused taking in Daehwi’s beautiful features before realizing he spaced out and nodding his head. 

“Okay! Thank you,” he opened his arms before walking over to Jinyoung. Jinyoung tossed the bundle of towel on his bed and hugged the boy happily, he was such a hugger, it was adorable. Daehwi hummed before breaking the hug making Jinyoung pout slightly, “what's that?” Daehwi pointed to the flesh coloured packer that was slightly peeking out from the towel. 

Jinyoung scrambled covering the packer with a piece of the towel and sitting on it with wide eyes. “Y-yeah so um, uh no, I will… tell you another time?” He stuttered pathetically. Daehwi smiled and skipped out of the room, he was glad Daehwi wasn't the one to pry. He knew he was going to tell Daehwi he’s transgender one day, he’s not ashamed of it he just isn't ready yet. 

When they got to the practice room they took a group photo as Daehwi guessed. They were told about how they were going to start getting ready for their debut which had everyone happy and confused, they had no tracks, choreography or anything and they were already announcing the group to the public? Jinyoung was already stressed. They were showed the sample songs for their title track and spent the rest of the day planning how the song was going to sound and started recording a little bit. Daehwi was great at recording, he was the only one who really full on recorded something in such a nice studio. 

Jinyoung watched as Daehwi sang into the studio microphone with the earphones on only one ear. He was so mesmerized by the way Daehwi sang so passionately, he was beautiful. He way he held one earphones against his ear, his eyes closed causing little crinkles around his eyes, his furrowed eyebrows in concentration. He didn’t realize he was staring so intensely before Daehwi was waving at him with an awkward smile through the thick glass of the recording booth. He coughed before nodding at Daehwi and turning away to the other members who were laughing at him. He rolled his eyes before asking the producer how it was turning out. 

It was Jinyoung’s turn to record, he was last and the others except for Daehwi went to go to the practice room. It was the first time Jinyoung ever really recorded himself singing, other than the few seconds of recording yourself to hear how you hear like. He got into the booth and picked up the earphones hesitantly, as soon as he put them on he heard Daehwi’s voice, “Don’t be so tense Jinyoung! Do your best,” he looked up seeing Daehwi smile at him, “you might also want to put one earphone off your ear when singing I find it better, but try them both out,” he suggested. Jinyoung nodded and moved his shaky hands to the papers that was on the stand and flipped to where his lines were marked. 

He nodded once at the producing saying he was ready, he heard the music though the earphones and closed his eyes trying to get immersed into it, “wait, can I practice first?” The producer sighed. 

“None of these are final, just sing it a few times we’ll figure out the best one and then we’ll probably record it over again tomorrow or something,” 

Jinyoung nodded and heard the music play in his ears once again. He looked down to the lyrics making sure he remembered the words, when it was time to sing, he sang timidly and tensely. He producer stopped him and told him to relax, Jinyoung breathed shakily and looked towards Daehwi who was smiling and giving him a thumbs up. Jinyoung felt a smile tug at his lips and he smiled brightly feeling a lot better and lighter, he straightened his back and wiped his sweaty hands on his jeans. He remembered his vocal lessons and started singing, granted, it took a few shots before he started singing more relaxed. After 30 minutes the producer called it a day so Jinyoung left the booth and was pulled away by Daehwi, “You’re better than I thought Bae Jinyoung,” Jinyoung scoffed and tried hiding his flustered face. “Come on let’s go learn some choreo” he sung. 

They practiced until around two am and they were all exhausted. When they got back to their dorm that all passed out only to wake up early to go record and practice once again. Daehwi was still his same self even with the amount of sleep they all got, “You must’ve had to perform and practice with less sleep than that, right?” 

“Yeah… i wish I didn’t have to say this but you’ll get used to the lack of sleep,” Daehwi said sadly setting back up in his place to practice the choreography. Jinyoung nodded slowly and got into his position as well. 

It’s been two months since they started getting ready for their debut, they had recorded all their songs that was going to be on their album, learnt the choreography they needed and been active on social media. It’s been extremely hectic and everyone was tired, they had a pretty big following before their debut, mostly because Daehwi was in it so it made everything more stressful since they didn’t want to disappoint everyone. 

Daehwi and Jinyoung were really close, half the time they fell asleep together while cuddling and they knew mostly everything about each other. Everything except the fact that he’s gay and transgender, but that could wait, he still didn’t know Daehwi’s thoughts on the topic and didn’t want him to act different around him. 

They had a relax day which they had once a week, Daehwi and Jinyoung was just cuddling on the couch, the rest of the boys were out at a restaurant. Daehwi was snuggled into Jinyoung's chest drawing random shapes on his chest as Jinyoung was playing with the youngest hair and watching tv on the small television. “Have you ever been in a relationship?” Daehwi asked out of nowhere, still drawing on his chest. 

“Uh sort of? I wouldn’t necessarily call it a relationship it was like a week before I ended it,” Jinyoung muttered. 

“Oh, what was she like?” Daehwi asked. 

“I-uh oh,” he stuttered not sure if he should tell him now or just go along with it as if it was a girl. 

Daehwi noticed his blabbering and him physically tense “Or… boy?” He looked up at Jinyoung in the eyes with a small smile, reassurance. 

“Y-yeah, he… was nice but it wasn’t my type I guess…” Daehwi hummed. 

“What is your type then?”

Jinyoung’s eyes widened, what was he supposed to say? His type is literally Lee Daehwi but he couldn’t say that… “I don’t know… cute, bubbly, fun, I- just stuff like that,” Daehwi nodded and further snuggled into Jinyoung making his heart flutter and he blushed. How does this boy make him have these weird feelings, he’s never felt physically flustered until he saw Daehwi, wow. “What about you?” 

“What about me?” 

“Like have you been in a relationship o-or like what’s your ideal type…” he said awkwardly. 

“Oh, yeah I’ve been in a few relationships, the first one was pretty bad, she always pretty and everything but I didn’t like her,” it was a girl, Jinyoung felt like his heart was crushed. He knew he shouldn’t have let himself fall for the boy, of course he was straight… “mostly because I like guys,” Jinyoung breathed in way too deeply and looked at the boy in shock, “hey! Don’t act so surprised, I was surprised you dated a guy but I didn’t make such a big deal,” he laughed making Jinyoung’s heart race, “Anyway, I dated two guys after that, in high school,” 

“Oh,” Daehwi smiled and hit his chest slightly.

“They were uninteresting and just used me so,”

“You don’t deserve that,” Jinyoung pouted. Daehwi shrugged and sighed happily in Jinyoung’s arms. 

“I don’t really have an ideal type…” Daehwi thought, “I always tried just saying random things that honestly anyone would want in someone whenever I was asked in interviews,” Jinyoung nodded. 

Just then the door to their dorm flew open, “Heya losers!” One of their members slurred clearly drunk. He walked into the living room and flopped on the ground. Daehwi was sat up on the couch looking at the boy with his eyebrows raised, “Why are you two always so-,” their member started fake kissing the air and hugging himself while wiggling a bit. 

Their leader walked into the living room, “hey!” The drunk member looked up and smiled with a little bit on drool on his chin, “Jesus, go to sleep,” he mumbled picking him up like a kid and dragging him to his bedroom. “I’m sorry about him, I told him not to have the fifth drink, it was my fault,” the leader dragged the boy who was still fake kissing the air. 

“Wow he’s going to be so hungover tomorrow,” Daehwi giggled at the comment before agreeing and yawning, “should we go to bed?” Jinyoung suggested noticing Daehwi’s sleepy eyes. Daehwi nodded slightly, Jinyoung has never met someone who was incredibly soft and cuddling when exhausted, it was adorable. They both stood up and Daehwi wrapped his arms around Jinyoung’s neck hugging him tightly. Jinyoung’s heart fluttered at the warm feeling rushing through his body, he loved Daehwi’s touch, it was so comforting. They both walked to their room, Jinyoung arm around Daehwi’s back and his head leaning on Jinyoung’s shoulder.

Jinyoung tucked Daehwi into bed sweetly before going out to the bathroom, “Hey, Jinyoung?” The leader called him aside, “Are you and Daehwi like?” Jinyoung furrowed his eyebrows. 

“Are we what?” The leader sighed. 

“You’re just very close… I don’t know I don’t want this to ruin the group…” Jinyoung felt his heart ache. He mumbled about brushing his teeth before running into the bathroom and sighing. Was he really going to let his feelings get in between the group and their success? That couldn’t be right… just because they were close and Jinyoung might have feelings for the boy it won’t ruin everything, will it? He didn’t want to ruin other people's lives just because of the relationship with him and Daehwi… He was overthinking this, Daehwi probably didn’t return the feelings anyway. 

A few weeks went by and their debut date was slowly approaching. “Daehwi, I’m nervous,” Daehwi looked up at the boy as he was lying on his lap. 

“Why?” 

Jinyoung ran his hand through Daehwi’s hair softly, “For our debut…” 

Daehwi sat up and crossed his legs staring at Jinyoung in the eyes, “You’re going to do so well Jinyoung, what are you nervous about?” He grabbed Jinyoung’s hands. Jinyoung looked down at their hands and felt the warmth spread up his arms and into his heart, he blushed and avoided eye contact. “Are you worried about live shows? Your vocals are pretty stable while dancing Jinyoung, I believe you’ll be great…” 

“No, I just- I don’t know, it’s nerve wracking, being in the eyes of so many people. We already have so many fans and I just don’t want to disappoint them…”

Daehwi nodded, “I get that, I used to think the same thing, not everyone is going to like what you put out or agree with what you say but there will be people that will be so happy with what they’re given. There’s always the fear if people will like our stuff but I always think it’s not fun putting stuff out to please others… you have to want to show people what you like and express yourself in a way that people who appreciate it will be attracted to. Just be yourself Jinyoung, you’re amazing and even if people don’t like us there will be people who love us and you could be that someone to people who need a source of happiness in their lives,” the reference to Jinyoung’s letter made him look up at Daehwi who was searching for eye contact. They held eye contact for 5 seconds before Jinyoung instinctively glanced down at Daehwi’s lips, he really wanted to kiss him. 

Jinyoung looked back up and saw Daehwi dating at his own, “Can I kiss you?” Daehwi whispered causing Jinyoung’s heart to race, he thought it was about to burst out of his chest. He nodded slightly before Daehwi leaned in hesitantly hoping Jinyoung was okay with this all. Once their lips made contact Jinyoung’s head went blank and his heart was jumping out of his chest, holy shit the warm ness spread through his body and he’s never felt more comfortable in his life, everything felt so right. Jinyoung closed his eyes and moved his hand to Daehwi’s waist. His whole life was always such a struggle finding out who he was want what he wanted to do with his life, but here with Daehwi’s lips against his he couldn’t explain how right everything was. He was happy, he was being himself for once in his life, his gender, sexuality, his sister, everything he chose, all the paths and hardships came to this very point, he was happy. He’s never felt safer. 

The kiss lasted a few seconds before they both pulled apart, “woah,” Jinyoung whispered looking for any regret in Daehwi’s eyes. 

“Yeah…” Daehwi whispered with a light pink tint on his cheeks where was Jinyoung was as red as a tomato. Daehwi smiled softly and scoffed closer to the boy leaning his head on his chest. Daehwi felt Jinyoung’s heart pounding and he smiled widely not wanting to bring it up in case it embarrassed him. Daehwi would be lying if he said his heart was doing the same though. 

The next day they woke up in separate beds, they didn’t talk about the kiss after they cuddled a bit which Jinyoung was thankful for because he wasn’t stable enough to talk about it yet. 

When the day was over they both were laying in their own bed casually talking to each other across the room. 

“Sometimes I think about making a fan account to talk to fans,” Daehwi spoke and laughed, “that would be so mean though,” 

“Oh my god, I used to have a fan account and thinking about my idols having a secret account stressed me out,” Jinyoung chuckled. 

“You had a fan account?” Daehwi asked amused. Jinyoung nodded, “was it about me?” Daehwi asked jokingly acting cute. 

“Maybe…”

“What really I was kidding!” 

“Hey, you meant a lot to me,” he defended. 

“Meant? Do I not mean a lot to you now?” He fake pouted. 

“I’m going to attack you,” Daehwi laughed loudly. 

“I haven’t been on my account in so long… I don’t even know if I deleted it…” Jinyoung’s eyes widened, “oh god what if fans find it,” 

“Do you remember the account?” Daehwi asked with his eyes raised, “it can’t be that bad,” 

“Oh trust me it’s cringey, but yeah I remember it…” Jinyoung pulled up his twitter app and logged into his old account, “oh my god,” 

2 Months ago  
[From: Woodam]

So I found out you’re debuting… that’s so great… I’m so happy for you Jinyoung! I missed talking to you but I understand I just wish you haven’t left out of nowhere… this is my goodbye, I’ll always support you

“What?” Daehwi asked intrigued. 

“I used to have an internet friend and he messaged me for over a year when I was a trainee and I never messaged him back…” Daehwi looked at him sadly, “the last message was two months ago…” Jinyoung clicked on the account and saw how he tweeted not too long ago, he was still a huge fanboy and he retweeted some of his tweets off their official twitter account. “Should I message him?” 

Daehwi thought for a minute, “I don’t know Jinyoung… can you trust him? I really think you should delete the account…” Jinyoung nodded before sending Woodam his kakaotalk account. He waited until the boy read it before deleting his account completely. 

“I deleted the account… anyway, I’m tired I’m going to turn off the lights okay?” He asked Daehwi before getting up and shutting them off. 

“Hey Jinyoung?” Daehwi said quietly gaining the boy’s attention. “Can we talk about what happened yesterday?” 

Jinyoung felt his heart stop, he was going to be mad, Daehwi hates him now, he fucked it all up. “Y-yeah?” 

“Do you regret it?” He questioned. 

Jinyoung shook his head before realizing its pitch black and Daehwi couldn’t see him whatsoever. “No, I like it… do you?” 

“I liked it, but what do we do now…” 

“Wanna be my baby?” Jinyoung said pathetically. 

Daehwi cracked up, “Jinyoung! Oh my god that was so bad you can’t just bring my old songs into this oh my gosh I like you so much,” Jinyoung blushed and cringed inwardly at himself, why was that the first thing that came out of his mouth. 

“Okay okay Im sorry i don’t know why that came out,” he stuttered 

“You’re such a dork…” Daehwi sighed fondly. Oh how he wished he could see Daehwi’s face right now. Jinyoung pulled out his phone and put the flash on pointing it at Daehwi, “what are you doing?” He questioned squinting at the light wanting to see Jinyoung’s face. 

“I wanted to see your face,” Jinyoung said. Daehwi’s face broke out in a bright smile, brighter than any light in the world, any planet or star in the galaxy… his beauty lit up Jinyoung’s world, “will you be my boyfriend Daehwi?” 

Daehwi nodded, “I would love to be your boyfriend Jinyoung…” he whispered. “Can you please take the light off me I’m being blinded,” 

Jinyoung laughed and turned off his phone before getting back out of his bed, walking over to Daehwi and kissing him on the forehead before saying goodnight and drifted off to sleep in his own bed. 

It was the day of their debut, they were all gathered around a computer waiting for their music video to be dropped. Daehwi was sat on Jinyoung’s lap, really excited whereas Jinyoung was shaking. When the other boys were looking away Daehwi leaned closer to the boy and whispered, “You’re so tense, calm down a little bit babe,” before kissing his temple tenderly. Jinyoung felt his badly shiver at the intimacy with so many people that don’t know about them in the same room as them. 

“ITS OUT!” Their leader exclaimed watching the video pop up on their screen. They all watched the final cut of the music video that came out extremely well which made Jinyoung happy, his dream was coming true. 

They all celebrated for a bit before having to go practice for the rest of the night. Tomorrow they had a variety show filming that they had to be ready for, Jinyoung was so nervous but mostly excited, he was so happy Daehwi was with him through it all. 

~

It’s been a month and a bit since their official debut, their single and album both did well on charts and they won a few awards. 

Daehwi and Jinyoung’s relationship has been going strong, they’ve made sure they were extra careful not to over do it in front of the cameras but just enough so it looked like they were close. So many people shipped them which was very interesting for Jinyoung to be on the other side of ships. He used to be the shipper… now he’s the shippee, and he’d be lying if he said he hasn’t read a few fan fictions that he found on the internet. 

“OH MY GOD!” Jinyoung exclaimed wrapping his arms around his bare chest. He was currently taking a shower by himself as the rest of the boys were out except for him and Daehwi. “What are you doing in here?” Daehwi opened the door to the bathroom fully clothed. Luckily Jinyoung always showered with bathing suit bottoms on, he wasn’t wearing a packer but it was better than nothing. 

“I came for a shower,” he smiled. 

“Uh,” he hesitated, he hasn’t told the boy he was trans yet and he didn’t want the way the topic was brung up by the scars on his chest that he hated. “I’m kind of taking a shower now… I’m almost done you can have it after,” he gestured with his hand before realizing what he was doing. He quickly put his arm back and hid the scars again before turning around, “Can you please leave Daehwi?” He whispered. He knew Daehwi saw the scars, his eyes might have barely stared for a while but he definitely saw something. 

The door closed and Daehwi was gone. He sat down in the tub and looked at his chest, he really didn’t like his scars… they were so noticeable, no matter what cream or oil he used to get rid of them they were still there and obvious. 

After his shower he got dressed in his pyjamas and slowly walked out of the bathroom really not wanting to see Daehwi at the moment. When he walking into their shared bedroom Daehwi was lying down on his bed scrolling through his phone. He looked up at the boy with dripping hair, “I’m taking a shower now… can we talk after?” Jinyoung gulped and nodded. 

After 20 minutes of Jinyoung pacing around his room thinking of how he was going to tell Daehwi he’s trans he heard the door to their room open and he jumped slightly. Daehwi looked at him and giggled slightly at his cute reaction, “Don’t be so scared it’s just me,” even though he knew Daehwi was referencing that jump it mean more than that to him. Daehwi three his dirty clothes in the basket before hugging Jinyoung and guiding him to his bed. They sat down and Daehwi leaned his head on his chest, “Your heart’s beating really fast…” Daehwi muttered, “I’ve only felt it beat this quick when we first kissed,” 

“You felt that?” He asked flustered. 

“You’re cute Jinyoung,” 

“I love you,” Jinyoung accidentally blurted out. 

Daehwi stopped drawing shapes on Jinyoung’s chest before continuing again, “I love you too Jinyoung,” he smiled before tilting his head up and kissing his boyfriend tenderly cupping his small face in his hands. 

They made out for about two minutes before Daehwi pulled away, feelings awkward that he wanted to talk to the boy but got sidetracked. “Um, can we talk about earlier?” Jinyoung nodded slightly, “Why’d you act like that?” 

“I-I’m insecure?” 

“How come all the others get to shower with you? It’s not like we have to do anything it’s just a shower…” he said innocently making Jinyoung feel really guilty. 

“I need to tell you something…” he started, he hands turning cold and sweaty, which happened often when he was nervous. He tensed up causing Daehwi to draw hearts on his chest in order to calm him. How could he get any cuter?

“Take your time,” Daehwi reassured. 

“I’m, um transgender,” he said barely above a whisper. 

Daehwi froze slightly before looking up at the boy. Jinyoung avoided the strong eye contact Daehwi was demanding, “Look at me,” he demanded softly tilting his chin up, Jinyoung searched for his eyes, “You’re so brave Jinyoung…” he breathed kissing his lips briefly, “Thank you for trusting me with this,” 

“You don’t care? You still love me?” His voice broke and a tear rolled down his check. 

Daehwi smiled sadly at the boy and wiped his tear before sitting in his lap facing him, “Of course I still love you Jinyoung, you’re the same person… You mean so much to me, you’re a boy, a boy who means so much to me,” he stated. He wrapped his arms around the older and tucked his head in the crook of his neck. Jinyoung let out a soft sigh before hugging the smaller boy back, “You’ve been through so much, and it all lead to this moment, and I’m so proud of you and who you’ve become Jinyoung… I hope this helps you open up to me more, I’d love to know more about you…” he whispers playing with the little hairs on Jinyoung’s neck. 

About an hour later they were watching a show on Netflix when Daehwi thought of something, “Wait, was the scars on your chest from surgery?” Daehwi turned to the boy who was alarmed at the question of his scars. 

“Oh, um yeah,” he shrugged awkwardly. 

“Can I see them… the scars?” Daehwi asked curiously. Jinyoung shifted uncomfortably, he was happy with his results but no one has ever seen his scars other than his mother. “You don’t have to show me if you’re not comfortable, cutie,” he said lightening the mood. Jinyoung smiles and shrugged before sitting up and pulling off his shirt, he let out a breath and let Daehwi see. 

His gaze was strong as he saw the pink lines on his boyfriend's chest, “Can I touch them?” He asked hesitantly. Jinyoung bit his lip with worry, no one touched his chest before. He nodded before Daehwi lightly traced the scars his his finger. He looked up at Jinyoung, and smiled softly, “You’re so beautiful, Jinyoung, every part of you, is so gorgeous,” he whispers pressing a soft kiss to his scars and then his lips.

**Author's Note:**

> I want to make a short chapter of how them in the group but it would be short and idk if it would be good but if y’all want it tell me but other than that thank you for reading I hope you liked it~~ 
> 
> (Constructive criticism is welcomed)


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